Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Families are messy ...

Families are messy. I know this because I’ve lived in one all my life. Your family is probably messy too, although you probably don’t like to admit it.

I found out today that my Uncle Frank died 5 months ago. He was 93 and my father’s oldest brother. None of his family bothered to contact me or my brother. I found out by doing some research online. That makes me very sad. I loved my uncle Frank. I want to be angry at my father’s family, but I know it won’t do me or them any good. It would only serve to carry on the family legacy of bitterness.

 I have to force myself consciously to make a choice not to respond in anger because that’s really what my nature tells me to do. It’s just sad to think how the people who you think are supposed to love you, your family, could do something so hurtful to cause you further grief. I guess it’s because they are family that it makes it hurt so much. Something happened, I’m not really sure what it was when my father died years ago, that disappointed them and they’ve never told me what it was. I pity them really because they miss out on the really good things that my father passed on to his kids and grandkids. They rob themselves of the beauty of family connection.

 Most families prefer to keep their family issues a secret. That only perpetuates the problem. Families are only as dysfunctional as the secrets they keep. Healthy families talk about their problems and find solutions and love each other even when they are disappointed. Yes, families are messy, but individuals have a choice whether or not to continue to hurt those around them or bring healing. I choose healing.

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